A paradox to my last entry title, ‘Finding my Seat’, today I found myself in a space needing to move, needing to dance constantly all day, exploring and shaking away the emotion that was eating away at me from awakening. Today my seat was nowhere in sight….What materialized in my body was utter sadness of leaving California, and a deep realization of a loss of certain expectations. It became obvious that I feel a sense of difficulty in being easy in my neutral mind, preferring to ride either between the positive or negative. Today I was fully engulfed in the negative mind and I discovered and explored a wicked part of myself that I do not allow to surface, perhaps my not so nice ‘shadow self’! On the deck I danced the dance of anger and fire, my body propelling me up and down, slamming with all my strength, screaming out the twisted shadows that consume me when I let my guards down and express my vulnerability. Rolling and rocking, ironing out the anger, I felt utter relief in owning this part of myself and moving it out of my body, feeling the shape it takes in words and images. T r e m o u r …Sinking….follow this line…
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