Identifying, Shaping, Scoring

As the process reaches an end point, I have come to a new depth of understanding of my material, my themes, my resources and the method I can begin to work with in shaping a score for the finale solo. Being immersed so deeply in my body and reaching a point of objectivity with my self-portrait, where I can freely move between witness and presenter, I have arrived at a place of acceptance and understanding of my self, my art and the path that I am carving.

    Working in trio’s, mover A was given a theme and intention for mover B, devising  a movement score and drawing on mover C as the resource. Each taking turns in this process so that in the end we had three movement scores and themes to work with. By chance I found myself working with two others with whom I had previously worked  well with and what unfolded in the course of the afternoon was stunning. My theme, as having materialized throughout the training was unfolding to the world and carving a path. My score; to spend 5 minutes exploring the movement of unfolding to opening, and the next 5 minutes, opening back to unfolding. My resource was mover C and I had complete freedom in how I utilized her. Beginning tightly curled on the floor, I directed mover C to mirror my movements as a means to enable me to see myself and be in that safe space of unfolding. As the movement progressed and my body slowly opened, I realized that what I needed was a dynamic and contrasting series of movements that took me out of my safe and familiar space of slow, contained movements. And thus, under my instruction, mover C sprung onto her toes and exaggerated all of her actions, spinning, jumping, thrusting, moving in and out of the space and using directed force upwards and outwards. I was there, open, chest expanded and yet, now I had to move back to the nugget of folding in…a place that my body did not want to go back to, so I directed mover C to become an obstacle for me to retreat. We were fully immersed in the dance of resistance and fighting, she tracking my every movement and I, resisting her embrace, worked furiously to deny her a part of me until finally we became tangled in a wave of surrender and receptivity. With her arms around my body supporting me, she let out a mantra, repeating and repeating and I found myself receiving support from another, fully accepting that I needed that support to help me up, to enable me to grow. And in that beautiful still moment I knew then that I could never return to the curled up position that permeated me, I had no desire to retreat to that place and so I let myself free of my support and danced the danced I had always wanted to dance all my life; the dance of expression, vulnerability, strength and femininity.

Digging Through Thoughts

According to Daria Halprin, the 5 part process (Identify, Confront, Release, Develop, Drop) is effective in any order. One may immediately confront a feeling entering into the body, release, drop then re-enter into the identification process. Similarly, one can work through the entire process from identify to drop in that order. The value of such a intricate model is to facilitate CHANGE and Development in the body and one’s movement repertoire. According to Gestalt therapy, for genuine and sustainable change and growth to occur one must integrate body, heart and mind with a deep connection to sensory experiences.

My own experience of the five-part process this week was interesting and yet again, unexpected. Beginning the week with a nostalgic sense of calmness and clarity (release), I had a phenomenal dream that helped inform the continuation of my Abdomen explorations.  Facing a washing machine  (a metaphorical symbol of my stomach), I pulled out all of the clothes, speaking allowed ‘I do not need you anymore’. As the water slowly leaked out, I stood, empty, quiet, clear and grounded. The following day in the opening movement score we were asked to choose three body parts and explore their relationship to the abdomen. Beginning on the floor I tuned into my body with deep slow breathes that tingled all the way down to my legs. First connection; abdomen and legs…extending and contracting, I wriggled and slid across the floor as a confrontation began to surface (stage one of the 5 part process). What I discovered in this confrontation was a sense of disparity between the top half of my body and the bottom half and a stagnation of the breath flowing freely to my legs. Next came the release (stage three) as my body begun to find a new movement pattern. Now on my feet , I was spinning and jumping feeling the breathe INFORM my legs, thus initiating a period of stillness and relief (part 4- change). Moving to the drawing pad, an interesting image came out full of fire.. red, black, strong lines in explosive directions and a snake weaving its way on the paper: an image I felt during this confrontation. What begun as emptiness and a sense of resolution on Monday transcended deeper to a residing layer of confrontation later in the week; a latent pocket of emotion that could only be perforated through moving into stillness. The perfect illustration of the cyclical, and dynamic nature of the 5 part process!.

Box of Secrets

The first drawing of the week is of the abdomen…to my surprise and somewhat puzzlement, what drew me was a box of signs, codes, symbols - a box of secrets; my mystery…memories reminiscent of childhood - a boat, a garden fence, and seemingly random symbols - a road veering in two, a box of questions marks dancing in the space around my even larger box, a huge heart, lots of arrows and a plethora of blue, the sea…movement, transition. Following a movement score to tune in to the breathe and the feeling of the abdomen, I wrote a short story, a kind of realist fantasy. Walking into a cave full of white light, I stood immersed in my ethereal emptiness…I was the cave and the cave were I… finding myself in the sea, floating on my back, I watched the abdomen objects from my picture swim past me. Feeling wonder and stillness, the sea became my home, my sanctuary - my box of secrets a mystery to me. What do they symbolize?, how does there very memory affect what is happening on a deeper level in my body? Throughout the training we have been learning how to ‘read’ our pictures, how to move with our pictures and how our pictures can inform our lives; what is missing, is there a symbolic key?, a sense of tension,  negative space, and how colors, force and detail can connote feelings, emotions and even sensations. Whilst it is important to offer a sense of separation with the picture (not conceiving is as an’ exact’ or ‘true’ representation of the self), it can provide clues to work with in the life / art process. The abdomen holds many of the bodies vital organs and is imperative in absorption of nutrients, processing and eliminating toxins. Seeking a relationship between these organic functions and the emotional bridge we must shift to the metaphorical resonance to gain a fully understanding of our art / writing / movement practice. To give a taste….separating necessary from unnecessary, contracting and releasing, assimilation and rejection, discernment sorting, umbilicus nourishment, gut feelings - the list goes on. What became apparent later whilst exploring my relationship with my own picture was the exclusion of vital organs and the realization that I considered the abdomen as the stomach! This was an interesting find having worked with emotional  and physical ‘issues’ with the stomach before and feeling a deep rooted need to cleanse this area…..my box of secrets and lodged memories bleeding into the continuation of the week with poetic velocity. Part 2 shortly!